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Is it good to spank your kids? I think Magic 123 is a load of c__p myself.? This is from a confused father who is having hard time to get my 8 year old and 3 year old too listen, actually both my wife and I. Just wanted to know if you people think spanking kids will make them listen.
I don't know what Magic 123 is … but I do know that spanking will do absolutely nothing but teach your children that it's ok to hit. I think that the most effective way of getting your kids to listen is to set boundaries, make threats (If you dont ___, I'll ___) & follow through. Be consistent! References :
The 8 year old is now at the age that if time outs, groundings and other forms of punishment dont work, to get a spanking. Just remember that you never spank in anger, only to correct. So controll your temper. Thats your responsibility. The 3 year old should still respond favorably to time outs. Good luck. References :
I was spanked and it worked for me I am now 25 and have never been to jail and still will not talk back to my parents and I have kids of my own LOL. I do spank my son as well who is 1 1/2 and he is very well behaved most of the time and even knows to say please and thank you before he gets anything. I don't think dissaplineing your child is wrong as long as it doesn't get out of hand. The 8 year old can be grounded and have things taken away from her since I think she may be a bit old to spank but the 3 year old is still young enough to spank. You can also try makeing them stand in corners or with their noise to the wall with a penny under it. But I think all children should have some form of dissapline and maybe this world will turn around agian if we start to do it again and stop woundering if we are going to be introuble for it. References : Spanked as a kid and perfectly happy as an adult and even respect my parents more for it. I get a long with them better now then I did then though as most children do.
How can I put this and not sound like a horrible mother? Yes we spat are son on the bottom occasionally but in my house I have to. Our son is so headstrong that sometimes we have to just to get his attention. Just make sure that if you are going to spank a child DO NOT do it out of anger. I think that is the biggest problem with spanking. Alot of parents don't do it to correct the child, they do it because they are angry with the child. References :
I do think spankings help. . don't abuse the right to spank. . use it as a last resort. Try using the time outs .. give consequences and tell them that if they keep on they will get a spanking. . if all else fails give them a good spanking, but don't beat them. Spare the rod spoil the child. References :
Spanking is definitely not the answer. I also agree that Magic 123 doesn't work. The most reliably effective discipline today is the time out system. When it is used properly, it is effective 90% of the time. You need to establish a time out spot (chair in the hallway, bottom stair,etc) where there are no toys or TV (bedroom is not a good place). Explain why the child is being disciplined (Johnny, you are going to time out because you hit your sister). Time out lasts for the same number of minutes as your child's age in years. They must not leave the spot until time out is up. If they leave it, direct them back but don't speak too much (carry them there if you have to). Choose just a few words and only use those words, maybe "go back to the steps" (they don't get any attention while on time out). It is also important you reserve time out for more serious offences or it will be ineffective. They will know that if you give a time out, you mean business. After time out, they must apologize for what they did, and you discuss together why it was wrong. I hope this works for you, and remember to give it at least a couple of months before you decide whether it is working. It can take awhile for your family to get the hang of this. References : Mother of two children (one special needs), attended two sets of positive parenting sessions, college education centrallized on behaviour and programming, and lots and lots of friends who also use time out successfully. and check out the TV show Supernanny. That's all they use.
No, I don't agree on spanking. Alot of old fashioned people think that spanking children were the good old days and blame parents who don't spank for the state of people today. Spanking is easy because it lets you rule your children through fear. Anyone can be a parent and most just rely on old habits and impulses. It is a cycle that continues and continues.
An intelligent disciplinary method is using reasoning at the child's level of understanding. Time out and removing privileges are great ways to teach right from wrong. Hitting just teaches kids to be sneaky and studies show that it lowers their IQ. There is so much information out there saying that it is a form of abuse. Many child-rearing authorities oppose the use of spanking and there is so much research advising against it nowadays.
Spanking teaches that bigger people may hit smaller people or stronger people may hit weaker people. Hitting is assault for everyone but a parent…..
Using physical discipline proves that the person lacks intelligence especially in early childhood development. But you will often hear "I was spanked and I turned out fine." The common justification on this site from people claiming that because they were spanked, this is why they turned out great. Check out this site below because it will help you make your decision. http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T062100.asp References : Studied early childhood education in college, work with children now and a mom of 3.
The idea of spanking is to equate in the child's mind:
what I did = pain and unpleasantness
so that they won't do it again the next time (well, they might test you a couple more times just to see if you mean it).
It works in appropriate situations. If you want a child to stop crying or stop tantruming, spanking is not going to work, it will make things worse. But if your child disobeyed you and, say, climbed up the outside of the staircase (I can totally see my 3 year old doing that), a spanking is a good way of making the consequences painful and meaningful. References :
I have never spanked my child and would only use that as the last resort. Every situation is different. Sometimes yelling is enough. I usually try to talk in a nice calm voice so when my son hears me yelling at him he knows that it is serious. But yelling is also something I don't like to do.
Counting 1, 2, 3 seems to work, but only when followed with decisive punishments when you hit 3. It must be something that will make your child think twice the next time. When younger taking away favorite toys or privleges and then the only way they get get it back it by being good for a certain amount of time. They must earn their lost toy or privlege back.
Another technique we sometimes use is we have a calendar and three markers, green, blue and red, where blue is a warning. If for dinner or lunch a child gets a red mark something gets taken away and it takes three green marks to get it back. Since we have problems with our child eating that is what we use this technique for, but you could use it for a different behavior or activity.
The articles I have listed below in the source box also gave us some good ideas. The most important thing is to not lose your composure or calm. When yelling starts things just tend to escillate. Be calm, and decisive. That helps us most of the times. As I said each situation is different and you will need to find something that works for you. Hope this helps. References : Here are some other articles that may be of interest. http://www.more4kids.info/16/getting-kids-to-listen-part-1/ http://www.more4kids.info/27/easy-steps-to-listening-kids/
I'll be 15 on the 29th and personialy yes I believe so. My mother spanked me it worked but she let me cry for maybe 5 minutes and let me know she still loved me and what I did wrong and why it was wrong thats why it worked. References :
Have you ever watched Super Nanny on ABC? She pretty much spells it out how to discipline—without spanking. Really– spanking is not the way to go. I have 3 VERY well behaved kids and I have never spanked them. I am really strict though and expect a lot of them. I have just always been *consistent* with what I expect, and have given consequences *every time* those expectations are not met. That coupled with constant teaching, nurturing, talking about respect (respecting others, their siblings, themselves…..) has made for 3 well behaved kids. There really is an art to discipline—-I would suggest reading some books on it, "Positive Discipline" by Jane Nelson is a great one to start with.
Not spanking does NOT mean Not disciplining. Not even close. I am a middle school teacher and I'm tough. I don't spank my students and yet I somehow get them to behave (with little or NO parental support….. the kids I teach have parents who don't care/are not involved in the school at all.) Before I had kids, I always thought to myself, — If I can control a classroom of 25 13 year olds without spanking–surely I could handle my 3 at home. It absolutely can be done….. and in my opinion spanking only HURTS discipline. It breaks down the basic idea of respect and the SELF motivation of the child to behave. If you can build that self motivation from the beginning, then your role as "disciplinarian" is less and less and getting them to behave is pretty much a piece of cake. References :
This may not be a politically correct answer, but yes I spanked, my son is older now. I used spanking as a last resort and never when I was angry. This generation now is the first generation that spanking was believed to be unacceptable. This generation of teenagers and young adults are horrid. Yet, I have a teenager with manners and respectable. Many have asked me how. I tell them that I loved him when he needed it but I swatted his bottom when he needed it to. References :
When I misbehaved my Mom spanked me and I not only listened but I behaved.
But I believe spankings only work for some kids while I learnt from a spanking my younger brother never did. So my mom used a loss of privileges system with him.
You just need to find what works with your kids and if that's spankings then so be it. References :
Please, Spock, do not allow yourself to become so controlling and lazy that you would hit your children. Hitting is abuse. Hitting is considered assault and battery for everyone except parents. It seems the smaller and more defenseless the person hit, the more of a right one has to hit them.
I have been relatively nice when it comes to the subject of ever assaulting a child but it doesn't seem to matter. Under the guise of 'discipline' or 'training' many parents will not only insist that hitting their children is the right thing to do, but will fight for the right to hit their children and speak joyously of the spankings they've given their own.
I'm tired of being relatively nice. It's atrocious. Period. It works for parents in the short-term because the child is terrified into stopping whatever behavior he/she is spanked for, or- at the very least- coaxed painfully into stopping. The learned helplessness that comes of this needs to have an outlet, and the one most people choose is to continue the cycle with their own kids generation after generation. It's pretty much like this: "My parents hit me and I hated it but it worked, I'm fine and thus I must be fine because the people who were supposed to love and protect me hit me, so I should do the same to my own kids." It is absolutely skewed logic. Psychologically, I can see how saying the parents you love and are supposed to trust most in the world are utterly wrong is painful and difficult. I can see why people often avoid saying so. I cannot condone them taking it out on their children however, to prove a point.
This is in response to the many people who would find it OK to tell you that hitting your child isn't wrong, or that it's nobody's business. This idea that the state shouldn't intervene when a parent hits his/her child is ridiculous. If we followed this arcane rule for every assault the majority of us may have ceased to exist.
Violence against one's children is one of the most awful and common travesties in the world today. Swat, smack, spank, tap, etc. – they all involve HITTING children. Those that do hit their children get angry when logic and compassion begin to overshadow the "surety" of their decision to hit. It is nothing less than assault and battery. I believe the anger comes because if most admit it is bad to do they would have to then admit that the people who did it to them were somehow wrong even though these were the people they loved and trusted most in childhood.
I must ask: How would you "pro-hitters" feel if someone smacked you when you didn't do exactly what they wanted you to do? How would you feel if you were physically punished at work? Hitting is not only lazy, it is extremely dangerous. Hitting is hitting is hitting – to call it anything but is to overwhelmingly sugarcoat, and manipulate, the truth. I don't care if your parents did it and you "turned out fine". If you were fine you wouldn't agree with utilizing violence against someone who is extremely vulnerable and defenseless. Please stop now, while there are still some souls (and bodies) to be saved. Children who are treated with empathy and kindness and disciplined in a positive manner will grow up to be empathic, kind, disciplined and happy adults. For those of you who constantly utilize the argument that "all the non-spanking PC kids are the ones getting pregnant early and doing drugs", you are so wrong I cannot even muster enough words to explain it. 90% of parents questioned admit to hitting their children, but I believe the number is more like 96%. Go to a prison for violent criminals. Ask how many were hit as children. Watch every hand rise in the place. A child who is treated with love (you cannot "lovingly" hit someone, it's an oxymoron) and structure very rarely becomes a criminal adult. They don't feel the need to rebel because they know they can turn to their parents when they are feeling angry or unhappy. The children are being victimized when you hit them. You are teaching them nothing – except, perhaps, to lie to you more efficiently and hide their true feelings internally. Violence against children makes for depressive, angry, and anxious adults.
Everywhere else in the law, hitting someone is considered assault. End of story. For those of you who think hitting your kids "works", I suppose you can also argue the fact that when people hit their slaves it made them work even harder. Sure. It didn't matter that you were killing the soul and spirit of all of them. At least you were obeyed. At least they 'took direction'. A greater social deviation I have rarely heard.
People who hit have a desperate need for control; so desperate, in fact, that they justify it by saying it "works". There are thousands of ways to handle a difficult child without resorting to punitive punishment. How any lawmaker can believe hitting is assault but not make that law true with children is disgusting, hypocritical, and proof that we are all dictators in our own way.
Assault is just that, no two ways around it. For those of you who justify it with "ooh, but I don't beat them", or "it's only one smack" or "but they mind me now" I say, the amount of love and trust you lose each time you strike that child can never be reinstated. You know you are wrong, "my parents did it and I'm fine" is a ridiculous excuse, much like me saying "My parents were neo-Nazis and I'm fine, see, I'm even practicing the same methods." If children don't deserve our respect, then why do we deserve theirs? How much need for control must one have to resort to hitting their children? There are always other ways to discipline – ways that work in the long-term.
There is absolutely no passage in the Bible that says "Spare the rod, spoil the child". The term was introduced in a Samuel Butler poem called "Hudibras" and was meant to be a scathing satire of Puritanism. Poor guy would be rolling in his grave if he knew nobody "got the joke". More on Hudibras here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/hudibras…...
Proverbs 13:24 says "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." Nowhere does it say hitting your child is, in fact, 'discipline'. People who don't read their Bibles believe this is so because rather than educating themselves on positive parenting skills they blame everyone else for their inadequacies as parents. I am not a Christian, but when I quote something I make sure of its author first.
A plausible excuse to hit children one's children does not exist. Those who say things were "better" when everyone hit their children are still hitting their children and nothing has changed. Although the "pro-hitters" would have us believe otherwise, we who are dead-set against assaulting children are very much in the minority. People say things have changed so from a time wherein everyone just hit their children willy-nilly but I believe in my heart that only made it all worse. In every poll more than 90% of parents say they have or would hit their children – no different than 50 years ago! So I'd love to know where "the liberal PC won't hit your kids" philosophy (which I believe in, and don't believe is PC at all – it's simple humanity and common sense) is actually ruining the world. Thank goodness there are a few of us who haven't bought into the 'oh, things were so much better then' philosophy. You know why you didn't see too many bad kids back in the '50s? Because you didn't live then. Simple. It was just as violent a world then (Korea, Vietnam) as now.
Spanking is cruel, ineffective, impatient, and teaches children nothing more than fear and how best to lie. I hear so many people say "I was hit and I turned out fine" or "I only give my child one or two swats on the bottom", and I say "Whaaaaaat?!?" Everyone who hits their children attempt to justify it but beyond being a catalyst for violence it also causes a child, now grown, to harbor such guilt because the people he trusted in most hurt and humiliated him that he feels there is no other choice than to say it was 'good' for him. Then comes the complete denial and the idea that their parents did it 'because they deserved it'. That is victim mentality.
Please realize that you parents are the people a child loves and trusts most. Hitting someone defenseless should make you ashamed. That child will never be able to trust you in the same way again. He will grow up believing he deserved it, and it will wreak havoc upon his self-esteem. If you'd like to teach your children how to be in control, STAY IN CONTROL YOURSELF!! There are positive ways to parent that may take a bit more time but not make your child a victim. They should ALL be checked into and if you feel you are going to hit anyway – take your own time out. What the heck are you teaching a child by physically assaulting him? That it's only OK to hit if the person is smaller and more defenseless? You are victimizing (and committing battery against) your children! That our so-called 'modern world' continues to allow this to happen to children is devastating. How would you like it if someone hit you every time you did something they didn't like? No? Too old for that? Then STOP doing it to children who are always and forever too young for it!
To continue to spread the nonsense that 'spanking' helps kids never to commit the offensive behavior again is ludicrous. Not in front of you, maybe. What you will see is a breaking of your child's spirit. It's terrible that anyone should want that. If you really think this won't heighten the child's chances of psychological problems in the future, I am speechless for you. Unfortunately, almost EVERYONE hits their children, and then claims the "bad" kids are the ones who were never hit. Really? Find them for me. I don't know any. Ever been to a facility for violent criminals? Ask them if their parents ever hit them. I can almost guarantee you 100% of them will have their hands up – and yet STILL be defending what was done to them. References :
#1 by Mr Spock on June 14th, 2009
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Is it good to spank your kids? I think Magic 123 is a load of c__p myself.?
This is from a confused father who is having hard time to get my 8 year old and 3 year old too listen, actually both my wife and I. Just wanted to know if you people think spanking kids will make them listen.
#2 by Ms Know-It-All ;) on June 14th, 2009
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I don't know what Magic 123 is … but I do know that spanking will do absolutely nothing but teach your children that it's ok to hit. I think that the most effective way of getting your kids to listen is to set boundaries, make threats (If you dont ___, I'll ___) & follow through. Be consistent!
References :
#3 by theavg.american07 on June 14th, 2009
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Spanking them probably will make them listen. My kids are scared shitless when I yell so you can try that too.
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#4 by Boony on June 14th, 2009
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The 8 year old is now at the age that if time outs, groundings and other forms of punishment dont work, to get a spanking. Just remember that you never spank in anger, only to correct. So controll your temper. Thats your responsibility. The 3 year old should still respond favorably to time outs. Good luck.
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#5 by Toni T on June 14th, 2009
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I was spanked and it worked for me I am now 25 and have never been to jail and still will not talk back to my parents and I have kids of my own LOL. I do spank my son as well who is 1 1/2 and he is very well behaved most of the time and even knows to say please and thank you before he gets anything. I don't think dissaplineing your child is wrong as long as it doesn't get out of hand. The 8 year old can be grounded and have things taken away from her since I think she may be a bit old to spank but the 3 year old is still young enough to spank. You can also try makeing them stand in corners or with their noise to the wall with a penny under it. But I think all children should have some form of dissapline and maybe this world will turn around agian if we start to do it again and stop woundering if we are going to be introuble for it.
References :
Spanked as a kid and perfectly happy as an adult and even respect my parents more for it. I get a long with them better now then I did then though as most children do.
#6 by Kristin R on June 14th, 2009
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How can I put this and not sound like a horrible mother? Yes we spat are son on the bottom occasionally but in my house I have to. Our son is so headstrong that sometimes we have to just to get his attention. Just make sure that if you are going to spank a child DO NOT do it out of anger. I think that is the biggest problem with spanking. Alot of parents don't do it to correct the child, they do it because they are angry with the child.
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#7 by Christina T on June 14th, 2009
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I do think spankings help. . don't abuse the right to spank. . use it as a last resort. Try using the time outs .. give consequences and tell them that if they keep on they will get a spanking. . if all else fails give them a good spanking, but don't beat them. Spare the rod spoil the child.
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#8 by Erica G on June 14th, 2009
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Spanking is definitely not the answer. I also agree that Magic 123 doesn't work. The most reliably effective discipline today is the time out system. When it is used properly, it is effective 90% of the time. You need to establish a time out spot (chair in the hallway, bottom stair,etc) where there are no toys or TV (bedroom is not a good place). Explain why the child is being disciplined (Johnny, you are going to time out because you hit your sister). Time out lasts for the same number of minutes as your child's age in years. They must not leave the spot until time out is up. If they leave it, direct them back but don't speak too much (carry them there if you have to). Choose just a few words and only use those words, maybe "go back to the steps" (they don't get any attention while on time out). It is also important you reserve time out for more serious offences or it will be ineffective. They will know that if you give a time out, you mean business. After time out, they must apologize for what they did, and you discuss together why it was wrong. I hope this works for you, and remember to give it at least a couple of months before you decide whether it is working. It can take awhile for your family to get the hang of this.
References :
Mother of two children (one special needs), attended two sets of positive parenting sessions, college education centrallized on behaviour and programming, and lots and lots of friends who also use time out successfully. and check out the TV show Supernanny. That's all they use.
#9 by stick up for kids on June 14th, 2009
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No, I don't agree on spanking. Alot of old fashioned people think that spanking children were the good old days and blame parents who don't spank for the state of people today. Spanking is easy because it lets you rule your children through fear. Anyone can be a parent and most just rely on old habits and impulses. It is a cycle that continues and continues.
An intelligent disciplinary method is using reasoning at the child's level of understanding. Time out and removing privileges are great ways to teach right from wrong. Hitting just teaches kids to be sneaky and studies show that it lowers their IQ. There is so much information out there saying that it is a form of abuse. Many child-rearing authorities oppose the use of spanking and there is so much research advising against it nowadays.
Spanking teaches that bigger people may hit smaller people or stronger people may hit weaker people. Hitting is assault for everyone but a parent…..
Using physical discipline proves that the person lacks intelligence especially in early childhood development. But you will often hear "I was spanked and I turned out fine." The common justification on this site from people claiming that because they were spanked, this is why they turned out great. Check out this site below because it will help you make your decision.
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T062100.asp
References :
Studied early childhood education in college, work with children now and a mom of 3.
#10 by toomanycommercials on June 14th, 2009
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The idea of spanking is to equate in the child's mind:
what I did = pain and unpleasantness
so that they won't do it again the next time (well, they might test you a couple more times just to see if you mean it).
It works in appropriate situations. If you want a child to stop crying or stop tantruming, spanking is not going to work, it will make things worse. But if your child disobeyed you and, say, climbed up the outside of the staircase (I can totally see my 3 year old doing that), a spanking is a good way of making the consequences painful and meaningful.
References :
#11 by Dee Brat on June 14th, 2009
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Shame shame how can you hit and 8 and 3 year old
talking to kids would make them listen…
you can listen to words
but you cant listen to a spank
References :
#12 by Kevin on June 14th, 2009
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I have never spanked my child and would only use that as the last resort. Every situation is different. Sometimes yelling is enough. I usually try to talk in a nice calm voice so when my son hears me yelling at him he knows that it is serious. But yelling is also something I don't like to do.
Counting 1, 2, 3 seems to work, but only when followed with decisive punishments when you hit 3. It must be something that will make your child think twice the next time. When younger taking away favorite toys or privleges and then the only way they get get it back it by being good for a certain amount of time. They must earn their lost toy or privlege back.
Another technique we sometimes use is we have a calendar and three markers, green, blue and red, where blue is a warning. If for dinner or lunch a child gets a red mark something gets taken away and it takes three green marks to get it back. Since we have problems with our child eating that is what we use this technique for, but you could use it for a different behavior or activity.
The articles I have listed below in the source box also gave us some good ideas. The most important thing is to not lose your composure or calm. When yelling starts things just tend to escillate. Be calm, and decisive. That helps us most of the times. As I said each situation is different and you will need to find something that works for you. Hope this helps.
References :
Here are some other articles that may be of interest.
http://www.more4kids.info/16/getting-kids-to-listen-part-1/
http://www.more4kids.info/27/easy-steps-to-listening-kids/
#13 by Cherokee_Breeze on June 14th, 2009
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I'll be 15 on the 29th and personialy yes I believe so. My mother spanked me it worked but she let me cry for maybe 5 minutes and let me know she still loved me and what I did wrong and why it was wrong thats why it worked.
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#14 by TLH on June 14th, 2009
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no it wont make them listen but it will make them bitter towards you and the world.
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#15 by olschoolmom on June 14th, 2009
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1-2-3 Works great, just when you get to 3 it's spanking time.
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#16 by josie on June 14th, 2009
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Have you ever watched Super Nanny on ABC? She pretty much spells it out how to discipline—without spanking. Really– spanking is not the way to go. I have 3 VERY well behaved kids and I have never spanked them. I am really strict though and expect a lot of them. I have just always been *consistent* with what I expect, and have given consequences *every time* those expectations are not met. That coupled with constant teaching, nurturing, talking about respect (respecting others, their siblings, themselves…..) has made for 3 well behaved kids. There really is an art to discipline—-I would suggest reading some books on it, "Positive Discipline" by Jane Nelson is a great one to start with.
Not spanking does NOT mean Not disciplining. Not even close. I am a middle school teacher and I'm tough. I don't spank my students and yet I somehow get them to behave (with little or NO parental support….. the kids I teach have parents who don't care/are not involved in the school at all.) Before I had kids, I always thought to myself, — If I can control a classroom of 25 13 year olds without spanking–surely I could handle my 3 at home. It absolutely can be done….. and in my opinion spanking only HURTS discipline. It breaks down the basic idea of respect and the SELF motivation of the child to behave. If you can build that self motivation from the beginning, then your role as "disciplinarian" is less and less and getting them to behave is pretty much a piece of cake.
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#17 by 2fine4u on June 14th, 2009
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This may not be a politically correct answer, but yes I spanked, my son is older now. I used spanking as a last resort and never when I was angry. This generation now is the first generation that spanking was believed to be unacceptable. This generation of teenagers and young adults are horrid. Yet, I have a teenager with manners and respectable. Many have asked me how. I tell them that I loved him when he needed it but I swatted his bottom when he needed it to.
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#18 by Zac on June 14th, 2009
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When I misbehaved my Mom spanked me and I not only listened but I behaved.
But I believe spankings only work for some kids while I learnt from a spanking my younger brother never did. So my mom used a loss of privileges system with him.
You just need to find what works with your kids and if that's spankings then so be it.
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#19 by Me, Contemplative on June 14th, 2009
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Please, Spock, do not allow yourself to become so controlling and lazy that you would hit your children. Hitting is abuse. Hitting is considered assault and battery for everyone except parents. It seems the smaller and more defenseless the person hit, the more of a right one has to hit them.
I have been relatively nice when it comes to the subject of ever assaulting a child but it doesn't seem to matter. Under the guise of 'discipline' or 'training' many parents will not only insist that hitting their children is the right thing to do, but will fight for the right to hit their children and speak joyously of the spankings they've given their own.
I'm tired of being relatively nice. It's atrocious. Period. It works for parents in the short-term because the child is terrified into stopping whatever behavior he/she is spanked for, or- at the very least- coaxed painfully into stopping. The learned helplessness that comes of this needs to have an outlet, and the one most people choose is to continue the cycle with their own kids generation after generation. It's pretty much like this: "My parents hit me and I hated it but it worked, I'm fine and thus I must be fine because the people who were supposed to love and protect me hit me, so I should do the same to my own kids." It is absolutely skewed logic. Psychologically, I can see how saying the parents you love and are supposed to trust most in the world are utterly wrong is painful and difficult. I can see why people often avoid saying so. I cannot condone them taking it out on their children however, to prove a point.
This is in response to the many people who would find it OK to tell you that hitting your child isn't wrong, or that it's nobody's business. This idea that the state shouldn't intervene when a parent hits his/her child is ridiculous. If we followed this arcane rule for every assault the majority of us may have ceased to exist.
Violence against one's children is one of the most awful and common travesties in the world today. Swat, smack, spank, tap, etc. – they all involve HITTING children. Those that do hit their children get angry when logic and compassion begin to overshadow the "surety" of their decision to hit. It is nothing less than assault and battery. I believe the anger comes because if most admit it is bad to do they would have to then admit that the people who did it to them were somehow wrong even though these were the people they loved and trusted most in childhood.
I must ask: How would you "pro-hitters" feel if someone smacked you when you didn't do exactly what they wanted you to do? How would you feel if you were physically punished at work? Hitting is not only lazy, it is extremely dangerous. Hitting is hitting is hitting – to call it anything but is to overwhelmingly sugarcoat, and manipulate, the truth. I don't care if your parents did it and you "turned out fine". If you were fine you wouldn't agree with utilizing violence against someone who is extremely vulnerable and defenseless. Please stop now, while there are still some souls (and bodies) to be saved. Children who are treated with empathy and kindness and disciplined in a positive manner will grow up to be empathic, kind, disciplined and happy adults. For those of you who constantly utilize the argument that "all the non-spanking PC kids are the ones getting pregnant early and doing drugs", you are so wrong I cannot even muster enough words to explain it. 90% of parents questioned admit to hitting their children, but I believe the number is more like 96%. Go to a prison for violent criminals. Ask how many were hit as children. Watch every hand rise in the place. A child who is treated with love (you cannot "lovingly" hit someone, it's an oxymoron) and structure very rarely becomes a criminal adult. They don't feel the need to rebel because they know they can turn to their parents when they are feeling angry or unhappy. The children are being victimized when you hit them. You are teaching them nothing – except, perhaps, to lie to you more efficiently and hide their true feelings internally. Violence against children makes for depressive, angry, and anxious adults.
Everywhere else in the law, hitting someone is considered assault. End of story. For those of you who think hitting your kids "works", I suppose you can also argue the fact that when people hit their slaves it made them work even harder. Sure. It didn't matter that you were killing the soul and spirit of all of them. At least you were obeyed. At least they 'took direction'. A greater social deviation I have rarely heard.
People who hit have a desperate need for control; so desperate, in fact, that they justify it by saying it "works". There are thousands of ways to handle a difficult child without resorting to punitive punishment. How any lawmaker can believe hitting is assault but not make that law true with children is disgusting, hypocritical, and proof that we are all dictators in our own way.
Assault is just that, no two ways around it. For those of you who justify it with "ooh, but I don't beat them", or "it's only one smack" or "but they mind me now" I say, the amount of love and trust you lose each time you strike that child can never be reinstated. You know you are wrong, "my parents did it and I'm fine" is a ridiculous excuse, much like me saying "My parents were neo-Nazis and I'm fine, see, I'm even practicing the same methods." If children don't deserve our respect, then why do we deserve theirs? How much need for control must one have to resort to hitting their children? There are always other ways to discipline – ways that work in the long-term.
There is absolutely no passage in the Bible that says "Spare the rod, spoil the child". The term was introduced in a Samuel Butler poem called "Hudibras" and was meant to be a scathing satire of Puritanism. Poor guy would be rolling in his grave if he knew nobody "got the joke". More on Hudibras here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/hudibras…...
Proverbs 13:24 says "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." Nowhere does it say hitting your child is, in fact, 'discipline'. People who don't read their Bibles believe this is so because rather than educating themselves on positive parenting skills they blame everyone else for their inadequacies as parents. I am not a Christian, but when I quote something I make sure of its author first.
A plausible excuse to hit children one's children does not exist. Those who say things were "better" when everyone hit their children are still hitting their children and nothing has changed. Although the "pro-hitters" would have us believe otherwise, we who are dead-set against assaulting children are very much in the minority. People say things have changed so from a time wherein everyone just hit their children willy-nilly but I believe in my heart that only made it all worse. In every poll more than 90% of parents say they have or would hit their children – no different than 50 years ago! So I'd love to know where "the liberal PC won't hit your kids" philosophy (which I believe in, and don't believe is PC at all – it's simple humanity and common sense) is actually ruining the world. Thank goodness there are a few of us who haven't bought into the 'oh, things were so much better then' philosophy. You know why you didn't see too many bad kids back in the '50s? Because you didn't live then. Simple. It was just as violent a world then (Korea, Vietnam) as now.
Spanking is cruel, ineffective, impatient, and teaches children nothing more than fear and how best to lie. I hear so many people say "I was hit and I turned out fine" or "I only give my child one or two swats on the bottom", and I say "Whaaaaaat?!?" Everyone who hits their children attempt to justify it but beyond being a catalyst for violence it also causes a child, now grown, to harbor such guilt because the people he trusted in most hurt and humiliated him that he feels there is no other choice than to say it was 'good' for him. Then comes the complete denial and the idea that their parents did it 'because they deserved it'. That is victim mentality.
Please realize that you parents are the people a child loves and trusts most. Hitting someone defenseless should make you ashamed. That child will never be able to trust you in the same way again. He will grow up believing he deserved it, and it will wreak havoc upon his self-esteem. If you'd like to teach your children how to be in control, STAY IN CONTROL YOURSELF!! There are positive ways to parent that may take a bit more time but not make your child a victim. They should ALL be checked into and if you feel you are going to hit anyway – take your own time out. What the heck are you teaching a child by physically assaulting him? That it's only OK to hit if the person is smaller and more defenseless? You are victimizing (and committing battery against) your children! That our so-called 'modern world' continues to allow this to happen to children is devastating. How would you like it if someone hit you every time you did something they didn't like? No? Too old for that? Then STOP doing it to children who are always and forever too young for it!
To continue to spread the nonsense that 'spanking' helps kids never to commit the offensive behavior again is ludicrous. Not in front of you, maybe. What you will see is a breaking of your child's spirit. It's terrible that anyone should want that. If you really think this won't heighten the child's chances of psychological problems in the future, I am speechless for you. Unfortunately, almost EVERYONE hits their children, and then claims the "bad" kids are the ones who were never hit. Really? Find them for me. I don't know any. Ever been to a facility for violent criminals? Ask them if their parents ever hit them. I can almost guarantee you 100% of them will have their hands up – and yet STILL be defending what was done to them.
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